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Twenty-six seats · five nights · one dish

There is no menu, there is a board, and it says one thing

We cook one dish a night and we cook it for everybody. It goes up on the board on Monday morning for the whole week, so you can see exactly what you are booking, and it does not change however much anybody would like it to.

This week's board
A restaurant table with plates, glasses and people sitting around it.

This week

Two sittings a night, 18:30 and 20:45. Everything is included except what you drink. If a dish runs out, and it has twice in four years, the second sitting eats what the kitchen would have eaten.

Slices of pizza on a wooden board.

Tuesday

Pizza, one at a time, from the oven in the corner

Dough started Sunday, nothing on it after the third ingredient, and the oven takes ninety seconds a pizza, which is why there are two sittings and not three. The tomatoes are the only thing that comes in a tin and we are not apologising.

£24 a head

A burger with a tall stack of fillings on a board.

Wednesday

The burger, and the only night anybody brings children

One cut of beef, ground at four in the afternoon, cooked medium unless you say otherwise, and a bun that is baked two doors along. It is the loudest and cheapest night of the week and it books out first.

£18 a head

A steak on a board with a small bowl of sauce.

Thursday

Steak, one weight, one temperature, one sauce

Three hundred grams, rested eleven minutes, with the sauce that has been reducing since the morning. This is the night we put the price up and the night people book eight weeks out, and those two facts are related.

£38 a head

A bowl of mussels with cutlery on a dark table.

Friday

Whatever came off the boat, in a pot, with bread

We are told on Thursday afternoon what there will be, and the board goes up late. Usually mussels, sometimes clams, twice a year neither and then it is a fish stew and a small apology.

£29 a head

A plate of food with a soft egg on top.

Sunday, lunch only

The egg one, which has no better name after four years

Started as a way of using Saturday and turned into the busiest service we do. One sitting, 12:30, kitchen closes at three, and the staff eat with whoever is still there at four.

£21 a head

Pizza on a board, seen from directly above.

If you do not like it

A kitchen with no menu has to answer this before you book, not when you arrive. Here are the five real answers.

You can see it a week ahead
The board goes up Monday at nine and on this page at the same time. Nothing is a surprise unless you did not look.
Tell us at booking, not at the table
Allergies, vegetarian, anything at all — say it when you book and there will be a plate for you that somebody has thought about. Say it at 20:45 and there will be a plate for you that somebody improvised.
There is always bread and there is always pudding
Both included, both the same all week. On the nights the main event is not for you, those two are still very good.
Children eat on Wednesday
Any night is allowed, but Wednesday is the night the room is loud enough that nobody minds, including your child.
You can cancel until noon
Free, no reason needed, by text. After noon we have bought the food and we keep the deposit, which is ten pounds a head and not a penny more.
We do not do requests
Not one, not ever, not even small ones. It is the entire reason twenty-six people can eat like this for these prices.
A wide bowl of mussels on a dark table, from above.
A cooked steak resting on a board beside a sauce.

Twenty-six seats and an open pass

Three of us cook, one runs the floor, and the pass is the bar, so you will be spoken to by whoever made the thing in front of you. It is a small room with a hard floor and it gets loud after nine, which some people love and some people should know about.

Seats26, including six at the pass

Sittings18:30 and 20:45

Deposit£10 a head, off the bill

Step at the doorone, 11 cm, ramp on request

Longest wait for a Thursdayeight weeks

How to book